Take a pack of Oblique Stragety cards, place them on the mantelpiece and allow the lovely box to collect a little dust - preferably from the Rayburn which is keeping the room warmish. Next take a Bronica SQ camera and stick a condenser lens from a slide projector on the front of the'proper' lens and take some snaps. When the film is developed, print using old photopaper and lith chemicals. It should look something like this.
Why? Because you can.
This is for my true love Eve.