I went to see Toots

He was slumped semi-comatose on the settee in from of the huge TV. Took ages to get him to answer the door - me ringing and ringing and everything. In the end I let myself in, sat down on the chair in the well-appointed hallway waiting for the sleepy man to appear. Toots had fallen asleep 'watching' snooker. I'm not surprised really since the chaps no sooner had put the balls in a hole than the other man got them out again. At that rate they would be going at it a week next Thursday.

Anyway, I had a camera with me and caught the fella staggering around waking up. Maybe he required a dip in a lochen. I dragged him out for a stroll all the same - but not near a lochen as it happens.

Sad snooker man